I'm worth it......

This is it. Candid. Real. Honest. Exposed. Fears. Celebrations. Reality (if I like it or not).

For as long as I can remember I've been overweight. For as long as I can remember I have been trying to lose weight. When I was in 4th grade they weighed us in gym class and I weighed 110 lbs. I was humiliated (since all my friends didn't even come close to that). I remember always struggling with who I was and never feeling like I was good enough for anyone. I felt like I failed at so many things, so many people. I struggled inside- but people saw a smile and thought differently. This year I am determined to make it about health- emotional, spiritual, physical. Discovering more about who I am. Learning to rely on God and know that I am not everything-- I am in fact nothing without Him. Figuring out what life looks like when I take the time to take care of myself (and don't feel guilty about it). Learning to understand that I am honoring God when I take care of myself and not put everyone else first. I will be doing lots of soul searching (which I have always loved). I know that until I can learn to love myself the way I was created- and care for it in a way that is honorable and not destructive I will never be able to get to the bottom of my weight and self esteem issues.

Does this seem like a huge undertaking??? It sure does, to some, even for me. But, to me it's the start of a journey. A journey to figure out a little more about life. I don't assume I will have it figured out in the end. In fact I don't believe the journey will end. This will be a journey in life, faith & health and family.

What's this blog for? Well I am a person that needs encouragement from others. Call it needy, but it's what helps keep me accountable and motivated. I am sure in the course of my journey and my journaling-- I will have bad days-- this is going to capture candid feelings, thoughts and fears. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that there is great freedom in being candid and honest about my feelings.

Some changes I hope to focus on in this journal):
-Working out. Both cardio and weights
-Eat balanced (making sure I am getting nutrients)
-Not consuming allergens. This is simply poisoning myself (not sure why I knowingly do it).
-Keep goals in mind to help keep me motivated
-If / when things don't go the way I hope-- DON'T GIVE UP!!

Goals I hope to accomplish this year:
-Spending time with God (prayer, reading scripture, living my faith)
-Making a schedule that reflects my priorities
-Run a couple 5K races with the ultimate goal or running a 1/2 marathon in October
-Lose 90lbs by eating healthy and working out
-Focus on the journey-- one day at a time-- I can only live today-- not tomorrow and not
yesterday.

So there it is. If I asked you to be part of this journey with me-- THANK YOU! I pray that this journey will help God use me as a better vessel for Him. I pray that this might inspire others to live more openly and learn with me what it is like to live intentionally- EVERYDAY.

Let the journey begin. This year I will celebrate me cause I am worth it!