observations & standards

One thing I know in the back of my head is that I consistently compare myself to others. I have theories and "rules" made in my head about how they live and how things work in their world. As I travel this journey there are a few observations that I have already noticed about myself. I am trying to be aware when I find myself playing the comparison game.

1) I am constantly thinking about what I want to be like when I'm "skinny" (as if I could pick my body shape and size-- LOL-- don't I wish)

2) I had all these crazy standards and thoughts about what "skinny" people do at the gym & what it means to run. I am pleasantly surprised when I find out most people don't run super fast and or for very far. I am also reminding myself that not all "skinny" people work out casually- some really work out hard.

I note these things to remind myself that this journey won't end when I hit a magic number on the scale or slip into a lucky size pair of jeans. It's about health. It's about embracing who God made me to be and taking care of that body. I am not hear to "measure up" I am here to uncover the person Christy Kennedy and the gifts that I have to offer when I am fully able to embrace life.

Today I am reminded that I can't worship one god with my time and my mental games and another with my lips and some desires. If I try and make all things perfect I not only reject God but I get frustrated that he's not making things work. Look what Matthew 6:24-26 & 6:33-34 says

"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds."

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

I do know God, and I do know how He works... He hasn't failed my yet. So why do I try so hard to do my own things??? I need to take pride in me (the me He created, not how I think is perfect) and so I can do the best that He wants for me.

I can't wait to see what all He chooses to uncover that I have tucked away or pushed aside.